'i'm so vain, i probably think this life is about me...'

hi.


levi wants to be wendy from peter pan for halloween. he was insistent about it this morning to the point of tears and writhing on the floor. not quite sure what's going on there.


anyway...


each day is a confirmation that doing life is hard (yeah, and...?). the fine line of selfishness and selflessness is a tightrope. i have found that i absolutely love helping people out with little unexpected everyday things, like taking some stranger's dishes up to the bin for them at foster's or something -- not so i may be then be showered with admiration and approval (that would happen regardless), but that i may, in the name of love, brighten someone's life in a simple way.

why is it, then, that there are (more) times when i don't feel like doing that? a true christian would always be looking out for the welfare of others, right? is it wrong, then, to look out for 'number one' every once in a while? when does taking care of myself -- and expecting others to do the same -- turn into selfish living? wouldn't it be more beneficial for the kingdom if i took my sons' college funds (which right now have about $3.75 each, mind you) and gave that money to someone who really needs it? truthfully, i don't ever need to buy another piece of clothing for myself ever again; i've got more than enough, so why do i not ever ask my neighbors if i can buy their clothes for them instead?

self-preservation and entitlement are the order of the day in our society. whether i realize and/or admit it or not, those are not things which i am shunning all that much myself, even though i claim to want to. how do we christians live counter-culturally in this way, living out christ's example as servanthood to the world, but still provide the necessities for ourselves and our families?

geez, i went from carrying off a dirty dish for someone to becoming obedient to death! i believe the essence is the same. i want live and serve and love the way jesus did.