fired?

hi.

one hears sometimes of pastors and ministers (not to mention congressmen, CEO's, educators...) being terminated for a single act of indiscretion. perhaps it is right that they are.

but if i were to go to my church's elder board and say, "hey, i've been really inattentive and terse with my family recently", or "i've found myself lately looking too closely at all sorts of hot women", or "i am having some serious struggles with assigning too much value to material wealth and 'things' -- and i've got the credit card bills to prove it", would i be asked to resign? probably not. why?

is it live, or...

hi.

music is my life. you don't have to know me that well to know that well. i love to perform it, talk about it, listen to it, write it, recommend it, worship through it, see others play it, delight in others' enjoyment of it.

but what is music? seems like a silly question, right? is it the piece of paper with little black dots on it handed to you at choir practice? is it the cd you throw into the car stereo? is it the 0's and 1's dancing their way from your iPod to your earbuds?

i submit that these are all mere representations of music. (this is not a novel concept.) music is organic. it is alive. beethoven copied down what he wanted his fifth symphony to sound like, but in essence each performance of it, each interpretation, is a brand new creation. the studio wizardry that went into the making of revolver and sgt. pepper produced some unbelievable stuff, but i'm sure those guys would even agree that they are but snapshots, and that in many ways 30th january 1969 yielded a truer musical moment. it's also why jazz is jazz; the idiom's very nature is one of letting the music happen right now. kind of blue would have been a muuuuch different record (and the purpose defeated) if miles & co. had laid down the tunes in more than one pass.

you musicians out there have probably participated in an impromptu jam session at some point in your "careers". 'member that? you probably do, because it was such a moment! some of my most creative musical nuggets have come via extemporaneous singing or playing. it's magical. by both performer and listener, music is best experienced live. we must heed the words of a wise sage: "you gotta lose yourself in the music, the moment, you own it, you better never let it go (whoa)..." mmmm -- i can taste mom's spaghetti right now.

gotta go. got rehearsal tonight. can't wait.

[by the way, best live show i've ever been to: indigo girls @ war memorial auditorium, greensboro, nc - 23rd june 2005.]

take your pick

last post of the day. i promise.

i want to tell you about two friends that both have gigs this coming friday night, 10th august:

- jim mcconnell, aka 'jimimac', will be playing some jazz gee-tar at restaurant starlu in durham from 6:30 to 10:00. he really good.

- jeff crawford, aka 'hib hibner', will be playing (with full band, which includes another friend of mine) a CD release party at nightlight in chapel hill at like 9:30-ish. some great songs on this new record.

heck. check 'em both out.

'i'm so vain, i probably think this life is about me...'

hi.


levi wants to be wendy from peter pan for halloween. he was insistent about it this morning to the point of tears and writhing on the floor. not quite sure what's going on there.


anyway...


each day is a confirmation that doing life is hard (yeah, and...?). the fine line of selfishness and selflessness is a tightrope. i have found that i absolutely love helping people out with little unexpected everyday things, like taking some stranger's dishes up to the bin for them at foster's or something -- not so i may be then be showered with admiration and approval (that would happen regardless), but that i may, in the name of love, brighten someone's life in a simple way.

why is it, then, that there are (more) times when i don't feel like doing that? a true christian would always be looking out for the welfare of others, right? is it wrong, then, to look out for 'number one' every once in a while? when does taking care of myself -- and expecting others to do the same -- turn into selfish living? wouldn't it be more beneficial for the kingdom if i took my sons' college funds (which right now have about $3.75 each, mind you) and gave that money to someone who really needs it? truthfully, i don't ever need to buy another piece of clothing for myself ever again; i've got more than enough, so why do i not ever ask my neighbors if i can buy their clothes for them instead?

self-preservation and entitlement are the order of the day in our society. whether i realize and/or admit it or not, those are not things which i am shunning all that much myself, even though i claim to want to. how do we christians live counter-culturally in this way, living out christ's example as servanthood to the world, but still provide the necessities for ourselves and our families?

geez, i went from carrying off a dirty dish for someone to becoming obedient to death! i believe the essence is the same. i want live and serve and love the way jesus did.

"(punctu'ation) question...!?"

i expect to hear from rebecca, but anyone can assist me here.

i was talking to someone the other day about the menu at foster's market. now - would that be foster's's menu? foster's menu? foster's' menu? eye suppose it could be referred to as the foster's menu. or perhaps we should just stick to the menu at foster's. help a brother out.

gone phishin'

hi.

as you can see from my 'current ear food', i'm obsessed with phish right now. they're so good. check 'em out if you don't know them. go buy rift or a picture of nectar.

now. go.

i love ben, but...

hi.

rachel and i and 22,315 of our closest friends went to see john mayer and ben folds (with james morrison) at raleigh's enormo-dome on tuesday evening. as you could imagine, most of the tanned-skin, cell-phone-toting nineteen-year-old girls were there for mister mayer (and rightly so: he's sooo dreamy) and i thought for months that this was an odd duo to be touring together. i mean, i like them both, but they seem, musically or demographically, to neither overlap nor compliment. however, the result was successful: great performances, top-notch backing bands, terrific showmanship - a great call all the way around, except for one thing.

the king of irony outdid himself a few years ago by setting dr. dre's "b-tches ain't sh-t" (i'm not sure what i accomplish by gouging the i's out, but there you are) to foldsian melody and instrumentation with at once hilarious and sublime results. it has become a BF show favorite. prior to this night i had wondered if he would do the song. "surely not," i thought. "this isn't really his show."

he did it. and i thought he shouldn't have.

i'm not intending to be self-righteous; in fact, it's not at all that nat stine was embarrassed by this crass song. it's more that nat stine was embarrassed by this crass song being heard by twenty-thousand-plus tanned-skin, cell-phone-toting...you know -- most of them there to see the other guy. [i know a teenager who was there with her parents. awkward.] i am a huh-yooge BF fan (thanks in large part to my bro-in-law), and his wonderfully whiny reflections on the ironies of love and life often result in some four-letter sunday school words. his honesty is quite engaging and endearing. this song goes beyond the occasional throwaway cuss to an onslaught of graphic images and word-pictures that i believe were inappropriate for that particular crowd.

(am i getting old?)

when an artist headlines a show, that crowd is theirs. ben folds engages, involves, and loves his audience as few others can. however, on this occasion i would have expected ben to recognize whom 90% of people were there to see and not expose them all to the funny-but-dirty family inside joke.

'the pearl' lyrics

here are the lyrics to the song:

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

the pearl
emmylou harris

o the dragons are gonna fly tonight
they're circling low and inside tonight
it's another round in the losing fight
out along the great divide tonight

we are aging soldiers in an ancient war
seeking out some half-remembered shore
we drink our fill and still we thirst for more
asking if there's no heaven what is this hunger for?

our path is worn our feet are poorly shod
we lift up our prayer against the odds
and fear the silence is the voice of god
and we cry alleluia, alleluia
we cry alleluia

sorrow is constant and the joys are brief
the seasons come and bring no sweet relief
time is a brutal but a careless thief
who takes our lot but leaves behind the grief

it is the heart that kills us in the end
just one more old broken bone that cannot mend
as it was now and ever shall be amen
and we cry alleluia, alleluia
we cry alleluia

so there'll be no guiding light for you and me
we are not sailors lost out on the sea
we were always headed toward eternity
hoping for a glimpse of galilee

like falling stars from the universe we are hurled
down through the long loneliness of the world
until we behold the pain become the pearl
cryin' alleluia, alleluia
we cry alleluia

and we cry alleluia, alleluia
we cry alleluia...

©2000 nonesuch records

"until we behold the pain become the pearl..."

hi.

i sang a song in church yesterday called "the pearl", written by emmylou harris. it's a beautiful reflection on our humanness and the pain and suffering which are part and parcel of living in skin, but that we are not without hope, even if it really seems like it.

i pray that those of you that were there were as moved by the song as i am -- not so much by my performance, i hope, but by what the song speaks to (and perhaps by JimiMac's virtuosic mandolin playing). one reason i like the song is that it won't fit snugly into the 'normal' canon of contemporary christian musical worship expressions -- just like the grain of sand which yields the titular pearl, perhaps -- but instead authentically expresses that being a broken human really does suck most of the time, and that out of those depths is produced a more honest heart-cry of "alleluia". it seems that much christian pop music avoids this subject in favor of happier, more immediately hopeful themes (though, thankfully, there is some some evidence that this is changing).

i found a nice article about these concepts and emmylou's music, specifically her record red dirt girl of which "the pearl" is the opening track. i think i had always dismissed emmylou as just another country singer, based partly on my father's incessant rotation of trio back in 1987. but i picked up wrecking ball (produced by daniel lanois) a few years ago, love it, and have been told that i need to experience more of her lexicon.

i'm on it, like an oyster on a pearl.

sorry...but then again, not so much

hi. sorry for not posting. we were in michigan.

but then again, not so sorry. we were in michigan. i'll tell you all about it in a future post.

i wanna solicit your ideas. the bible church is going to be focusing on LOVE this fall. our worship gatherings will reflect this, and i would love know ideas you have for songs, poems, and other expressions that express this well. obviously, it is a very broad subject, so feel free to roam that vast landscape for any cool creative nuggets. i would love to see people's notion of love to be challenged, expanded, reimagined. what is loving our neighbor? how can we really apply the parable of the 'good samaritan'? what does loving god mean? how is god's love for us manifested in our lives? is it more than just 'knowing' or 'feeling' that god loves us? what are some ways we humans distort love and expressions of love? how does this world actually love well? i'm having a mini- planning meeting about looking at the fall today, so i may know more after that.

help me out. thanks.

SLS & BCS

hi.

those of you with last names stine, falcetta, or carnall will immediately recognize that first set of three letters. for those of you lesser beings, those letters stand for "skinny little shit", the nickname that my mother betsy carnall stine and her cohorts assigned to her beloved frank sinatra.

so i threw some SLS in the cd player the other day and was almost immediately hit with tears, his remarkable voice triggering memories of my mother. there is not a specific song, and there is not a specific memory which comes to mind, but rather kind of general, happy, thankful thoughts of and for her life. that happens occasionally when i think of her. i didn't shed a tear the day she died, nor at her memorial service (just barely). but about every four to six months, something will connect emotionally/mentally and the tears will gather.

but man oh man, the man could sing. he really did make each song his own, and you can hear how much better he did it at 65 than at 30. i am glad to have "inherited" her four-disc set the complete capitol singles collection, and am looking forward to becoming more acquainted with it.

thank you, bets, for modeling taste in good music.